14 Ways To Beat Baby Blues And Postpartum Anxiety
In my last post, I talked about my struggles with postpartum baby blues. Before I experienced it, I had no idea how common it is! Thank you so much to all of you who reached out to me, shared your experiences and encouraged me. In this post I wanted to provide some tips and things that helped me and could possibly help you:
Talk to someone. I honestly started to feel better once I shared with my husband, my mom, and some sisters at my church how I was feeling. Instead of letting my thoughts constantly swirl around and consume me, I released them, which not only made me feel a bit better, but it also let my family and friends know what was going on with me. From there, they would offer to help with the baby or something and/or pray.
Get outside. I was the mom that didn’t go out of the house for weeks unless it was for Eli’s doctor appointments, which means I was cooped up in our one-bedroom apartment all day, err day (*in my best southern accent*). Not a good thing. Once Eli hit 8 weeks, we were coming up on the fall season, and I took advantage of the beautiful weather. Going for walks around our complex, and visiting my friend a few buildings down every now and then did such wonders for my soul! Sometimes some fresh air and a change of scenery can get you out of a funky mood.
Practice self care. To be honest, I am STILL learning this! We moms tend to put everything on hold to tend to our new babies. I get it: they need us constantly! But I am learning that I can’t care for my sweet baby well if I am not taking care of myself. And self care doesn’t have to be timely or expensive. Self care can be making sure to eat three meals a day, or taking a shower (in the beginning showers where a luxury. Anyone feel me on this?!), or going to bed early. It can also very well mean going to get that mani/pedi and getting your hair done. Whatever self care looks like for you, DO IT.
Ask for help. Seriously. You’re going to need help (and deep down you know you want it). It’s not a sign of weakness. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. And people want to help. Once I realized that I didn’t have to do it all, and that I wasn’t expected to do it all, a huge weight lifted off of me. I used to feel guilty to ask my husband to cook or hold the baby so I could take a shower, etc. because he worked all day. But like Toby likes to point out: he helped make this baby! Ha! Also, asking for help may also mean to ask for professional help, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Please don’t let your pride keep you from asking to seek counsel and possibly medication from a professional.
Toby and Eli
Prayer. Seriously, if it wasn’t for the Lord and prayer - especially of those who prayed for me when I couldn’t pray for myself - I don’t know where I would be. A lot of my prayers were simply “help me, Lord, please!” and He always came through. I was truly able to see during this time that He really is a good, good Father.
Socialization. Another thing that helped me so much early on was getting out monthly with some of my friends to a women’s worship night called The Grove. Although I was checking my phone (a lot) and missing my baby (a lot) during those few hours away, it seriously was so good to my soul to be able to have adult interaction and to have a little piece of my old life from before I had Eli.
Sharing my struggles. Can I tell you how grateful I am for y’all, and how you all make it comfortable for me to share with you the highs and lows of motherhood? Having this piece of the web and writing is so therapeutic with me, and I love how y’all “listen” to me and encourage me through your comments and messages. I know a lot of moms fear sharing that motherhood isn’t all roses, but let me tell you: all moms agree that motherhood isn’t all roses, so don’t be shamed to share with another mama that you trust your struggles. Not only do you get it off of your chest, but that mom can let you know you’re not alone in what you’re feeling and could also potentially offer some tips and help.
Finding a support group. Back in May, I joined an online support group for moms called Mother Squad. Let me tell you: it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my short time as a mommy. Mother Squad is a virtual face-to-face village for new moms via secured group video chats where you get education and support from not only peers, but also from expert facilitators. I was in the May/June group and we met every Wednesday evening for an hour for four weeks. I seriously loved it, and also got to make new mommy friends! It ended about two weeks ago and I already miss those sessions. I didn’t join the July sessions only because I am budgeting for Eli’s birthday at the end of the month, but I am planning on jumping back in come August! If you need some extra support and encouragement, I seriously suggest you checking out Mother Squad.
Accepting grace, not perfection. I was the perfect mother until I became a mother. I’m learning that no parent is perfect except our Heavenly Father. Sure, I will strive to be the absolute best parent I can be, but I have to accept that I won’t parent perfectly. But I have to also accept that there’s grace. As long as I am doing my best, loving my child and taking each day at a time, I can rest and trust that God will handle the rest. I’m really hoping to remind myself of this on the hard days. And I’m hoping you remind yourself of this too when you feel like you’re failing as a mom (by the way, you’re not failing, Mama!).
Below are some other tips that I know others have tried and have had success with:
Exercise. Get moving! Even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood while you push the stroller (or baby-wear).
Change your diet. What you eat can does have an effect on your mental and emotional well-being. I know it can be hard in the beginning to choose healthy foods - or to even eat at all - when you’re in the throes of taking care of a newborn, but try to eat as healthy as you can. On a personal level, my diet has been horrible since pregnancy, and I’m hoping to “reset” with the Whole 30 challenge after Eli’s birthday.
Get some sleep. I know someone just chuckled at this (like, what is sleep?!), but hear me out! You may not get 8 straight, unbroken hours of sleep, but you can try to sneak in some shut-eye here and there. It helped to sleep when the baby slept (seriously, do it), and to just surrender to going to bed a lot earlier than I was used to.
Hobbies. Even if it takes a bit of adjustment, try to get back to doing the things you used to love to do. It will bring you some joy and remind help with that feeling that all you do is mom all day (yes, mom is also a verb! Ha!).
Routine. Creating a very loose routine is great for making the days not feel like one big blur, or that you’ve done nothing all day. It will help you and your baby know what to expect and will help you know how to plan your days. It just makes you feel like you got your stuff together. And every mama likes to feel like they got at least some of their life together!
Baby blues is tough to deal with, but there is hope! Try these tips and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better in no time! But also remember, if you feel like you are really struggling with PPD (or even if you think it's just baby blues), please reach out to your doctor, therapist, counselor, etc. to get the proper help. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your mental health is important. If you or someone you know is in a crisis or struggling with suicidal attempts or thoughts please seek immediate help and/or
contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
What are some other tips that could help with baby blues? If you’ve experienced it, what helped you?
