Why My Boyfriend and I Don't Kiss
*This post was originally published on 2/21/14, but has been updated since then. I believe it is still useful for those who want to wait until marriage to kiss their partner, or for those who just want to know our story!*
"So... You and your boyfriend don't kiss? Like, at all?! Why?"
This was probably the number one question I got asked about my relationship with Toby before we got married. And no, we don't kiss from May 2013 until our wedding day on December 18, 2014.
And that was purely by the grace of God.
He graced us and gave us strength to remain pure in those times when it was really hard to say no to temptation.
While I don't believe kissing itself is a sin, I believe it can lead to sin (sex before marriage). And ain't nobody got time for that! Please note that this is what worked for OUR relationship, so that we could stay pure and honor God.
Keep reading if you would like to know what led us to decide to stop kissing until our wedding day!
We couldn't just stop at kissing
Toby and I had already been having sex with each other before we decided to have a relationship that would glorify God (see our story here). If I'm completely honest, I don't think we would have had as many boundaries in place if we were still virgins. But once we started being intimate with each other, Toby and I had absolutely no self control to keep it at just kissing.
I knew myself. I was going to want more. I knew Toby. He was going to want more. It’s like putting someone, who just recently became sober the week before, in front of an open bar, and telling them not to get drunk. We didn't want to set ourselves up like that!
I had a hard enough time controlling my hormones and emotions when I was just standing next to the man! Imagine how much harder it would have been for me (and most likely him) if we had started kissing, especially when I knew the pleasure that was on the other side.
Nope, I am not 'bout that life!
We wanted to remain pure
This ties in with the above paragraph, but sexual impurity goes deeper than just the physical. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus addresses the unmarried men and women and says, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Adultery equals sexual immorality, which equals sexual impurity, which equals sin. Yikes! If Toby and I started smooching, it would have easily led me to lust. Philippians 4:8 reminds us to think on whatever is noble, true, pure, praiseworthy, etc. I would have been thinking about none of those when if I'd kiss Toby.
We wanted to honor God and bring Him glory
Our decision to not kiss was definitely not the norm. Tie that in with the fact that I also shared our decision on this blog, and you could imagine that we stood out from many people our age.
So when people asked us about it, it is an opportunity to share Christ and the mighty work He has done and is still doing in our lives. Toby and I can't take any credit for the change that has occurred in us, because it was Jesus who transformed us. And trust me: if He could do it for us, He can do it for anyone!
And finally...
I wanted to give the gift of purity to Toby on our wedding night. Although we weren't pure during the first four years of our relationship, we were pure the last year and a half. We are new people in Christ. This new me wanted to honor my future husband and present him with the gift of knowing that I saved myself for him and him alone, and that having the honor to have his love, last name, and babies was way more important to me than having his body before I earned it.
Not kissing helped me honor that.
I hope this brings encouragement to those of who are on this journey before marriage.